Do you have a special dream? Maybe it involves a better paying, more stimulating job? Maybe you want to start your own business? Maybe it has to do with a healthier life style? Maybe you want to lose some weight or start an exercise program? Maybe you want to get into a healthy, loving, caring relationship?

Do you find that despite your best efforts, you just don’t seem to be able to get it together to make this dream real in your life?

Have you started making the dream come true, but then, after a while, suddenly realized that you hadn’t worked on your dream in a while?

Do you wish you were motivated to keep moving forward?

Are you frustrated and annoyed with yourself, and maybe just a bit depressed about it all?

You are not alone. I was exactly where you are right now. And so are lots of folks.

Starting a project is easy – each time you start it is easy. A new project seems to have its own inherent motivation. The freshness of it makes us want to get going.

But what happens next?

What happens is:

• The freshness doesn’t last.
• It gets boring
• You get busy
• Some new more exciting thing takes its place
• You hit a road block
• You lose focus

You lose your motivation.

Maintaining that motivation, the motivation you had in the beginning, is always going to be an issue. Because the inherent motivation will disappear. It almost always does. And once your motivation goes away, you stop doing the work you need to do, and once again, you aren’t working on your dream. If you don’t work on your dream, your dream doesn’t come true. It stays merely a dream.

So when that initial motivation fades,  you better take action to build it back up. An even better thing to do is to have created a plan for self motivation in advance, so that when the inherent motivation disappears, your planning kicks in, and you will still be motivated. It’s motivation on auto pilot.

Either way, responding or planning ahead, means taking charge of your motivation. You have to take charge of your motivation. No one else is going to do it for you. It’s totally your responsibility.

In other words, when that initial motivational bloom withers, you have three responses:

1. You become unmotivated and stop working on your dream
2. You become unmotivated and take charge of your motivation as soon as you notice it
3. You have in place a plan for self motivation which means your motivation never stops. It just changes from inherent motivation to created motivation.

Choice two is certainly better than choice one, but I think you’d agree, choice three is the best.

In my next blog I will write more about this great choice, the wonderful tool of the plan for self motivation.

If consumerism is an American behavior, than I am a proud American. My daughter pointed out to me last week that I love to buy stuff on amazon.com. I admit it. In my defense I assert that it’s mostly books related to my work or my hobbies, and usually they are used books. I love getting a good deal, and amazon makes it easy to get a good deal, not only because you can buy used books, but also because of the buyer ratings.

But sometimes I find myself surfing Amazon when I should be working. It’s a difficult part of doing most of your work on a computer. And it’s just a little too easy to buy stuff. I don’t even have to pull out my credit card; they already have it on file. It just is too easy to go after immediate gratification. And Amazon knows it.

So what I like to do is play with delaying my gratification. I take this strong urge to consume, to gratify myself RIGHT NOW, and turn it into self motivation. And it seems that the motivation that results is just as strong as was the urge to consume.

It’s really simple. I do it a lot. Here’s how I’m doing it right now. I’m putting together a stereo system for myself. My last stereo system I gave to my brother who helped me move to California. I’ve been listening to music on my computer, but it isn’t working for me, although I do like Pandora.

I found a nice pair of speakers at a garage sale, and then picked up a used receiver at a local vinyl (record) store.  I hooked up my dvd player to the receiver and am playing my cd’s on it. The dvd player was a cheap refurbished Sony (good enough for my twelve year old TV), and the sound is not bad. But I know the right dedicated cd player will complete the system, make it much better than “not bad.” So I shopped and I compared and I read different websites (especially Stereophile.com) and identified the right dedicated cd player for me. I priced it, comparison shopped and am ready to buy it. I really want this cd player.

But I don’t buy it.

Instead I make a promise to myself. I promise myself that I will not buy the cd player until I have finished the ebook I am writing on self motivation for college students. Once the ebook is completed I will buy the cd player.  Because I really want the cd player, it increases my motivation to work on the ebook on self motivation for the college student.

By delaying my gratification, I am increasing my motivation. It’s that easy.

There’s lots of strategies to increase your motivation. Is this one that could help you?

Motivation is what gets us moving. We can have a strong desire for something, like a healthy relationship, but without motivation, a strong desire is nothing more than a dream. A strong desire is necessary if we want to create a healthy relationship, but it’s not enough.

If you truly want a healthy relationship, but aren’t consistently taking the steps you know you need to take, you probably lack the motivation to do those things. So you need to take action to increase your motivation.

There are three things that impact your motivation. A strong desire is one of them. But there are two additional things that have this impact. The first thing is your confidence in your ability to make that desire come true. The second thing is your environment.

Here’s how you can use those two additional things to increase your motivation.

# 1 Confidence: When we don’t feel confident in our ability to make something happen, we are not motivated to go after it. Why would we be? We’d feel like we were wasting our time.

If you are already confident, that is great.  But it’s okay if you aren’t, because there are steps you can take to increase your confidence. One of the most important steps you can take is to get clarity.

Clarity is motivating; its opposite, confusion, robs you of your motivation.

Clarity means figuring out exactly what a “healthy relationship” means to you. Does it mean a partner who respects you? Does it mean a partner with whom you are comfortable? Does it mean a partner with whom you do things, sharing time and energy? Does it mean a partner who is comfortable with you as you are?

Clarity also means figuring out exactly what steps you need to take to make a healthy relationship manifest in your life.

The time you spend getting clarity on these two issues will be time well spent.

# 2 Environment.  Environment includes both your physical environment, the place where you will do the work on making your dream come true, and your social environment, the people and organizations that surround you and are available to you. Both these environments impact how motivated you are to work on building a healthy relationship.

Your physical environment includes the places you go to meet people. There are many options, but to name just a few, there are places of worship, bars, and my favorite, supermarkets. Some places work great for certain people; others work better for others. Find out what works best for you. Where are comfortable going? Where would you find your ideal partner?

Your social environment includes your family members, your friends, fellow employees.  Recruit these people to help in your search for an ideal relationship.  Some of your friends have probably already tried to set you up. Good for them. But don’t forget those people who are not so outgoing with their matchmaking; they need to know that you are open to meeting people whom they feel would be a healthy match for you. But be selective; ask why they feel this person would be ideal for you. “Because he’s single,” is not a good reason.

Social environment also includes the organizations that are available to you.  There are many organizations that exist primarily as a means for people meeting people. Certainly you should explore these options. But don’t ignore organizations that exist for other means. Join organizations that match your likes and interests. This is the way to meet people who have similar likes and interests to you.

Getting motivated to do the work necessary to build a healthy relationship takes more than just the strong desire to have one. It takes thought, planning, and taking control of your motivation.

When you take control of your motivation, you will take the steps you need to take to make your dream come true.

I went to a fundraiser Saturday night for CAPE, an animal rescue and education organization. The event was a talk and show by award-winning wildlife photographer Suzi Eszterhas.

(You can see her work at http://www.suzieszterhas.com/)

The woman is in her early to mid 30’s and has some amazing wild life photos. She also has an amazing story (very well told) about her photography. This woman shared her life with us, a life which is a dream for so many photographers I know, traveling all over the world, selling her photos to Smithsonian and Time, and being paid to take photographers on tours all over the world. She’s taken photos of gorillas, chimps, orangutans, polar bears, lemurs, jaguars. You name it, and she’s taken its picture and been paid for taking it.

So how did a dream like this become a dream life? She shared that story with us, too.

If you want to get good pictures of an animal, she told us, you have to take the time for the animal to become acclimated to you. How much time, you ask. A heck of a lot more than any of my photographer friends would even consider. You are persistent.

How about living in a tent for a year in the savannah, all by yourself, and spending every day, sun up to sun down, following the animal?  How about following through on a dream you have had since you were a child and working on it consistently, year in and year out?  How about dropping whatever you are doing when you hear opportunity knocking, like a jaguar about to give birth ten thousand miles away? You have focus.

She has pursued one path for most of her life. She may be naturally talented, I don’t know, but even natural talent isn’t going to amount to a hill of beans without this type of focus, this continued walking on one path. Being this good takes more than just talent.

Staying on one path is difficult; certainly it is for me, and it may be hard for you. But how can you walk down two paths at once?  If you tell yourself, “I’m going to walk down this path for a while, and then that path for a while,” guess what?  You will never get down either one.

This doesn’t mean you are always doing the same thing; there can be variety in what you are doing, but each thing must move you further you along the chosen path, bring you closer to making your dream come true. In Ms. Eszterhas’s case, she does public speaking, like she did Saturday evening, she gives photo tours for photographers, and she does her own photography, but each one of these is really walking on the same path. One may be waltzing, one may be skipping and one may be walking, but they all are movement along the same path.

Do I think I am ever going to be as focused as she is? No, I don’t. But that’s okay, because even if I don’t, I can still use her as a role model for being more focused then I am. Maybe what we should take from her is a lesson, that the more we put into something, the more we will take out of it.

Just be more focused and more persistent.

I can do that.

And so can you.

The old saw, “When you fail to plan, you plan to fail,” is nowhere truer than when it comes to motivating yourself.

Self motivation doesn’t just happen. It takes conscious effort. It takes planning. And it takes a bit of work. Not a lot, but a bit.

Using the model for self motivation is the best way to create a plan for self motivation. It will ensure that the plan you create will be uniquely tailored for your likes and dislikes, your motivators and those things that rob you of your motivation (your demotivators).

Include in your plan for self motivation the following:

1. Your vision – the change you want to make in your life or the goal you are trying hard to achieve. Make sure you have stated it in terms that are definite enough that you will know when you have achieved it. Vague goals motivate no one.

2.  A step by step path on how you will achieve your goal. A clear path is so much easier to follow.

3.  A list of your motivators. Take time to think about the things that motivate you. They are your friends.

4.  A list of your demotivators. Demotivators are things and events that rob you of your motivation. They are not your friends.

5.  Strategies to make sure your life is full of your motivators. You control your motivation. Make it work for you.

6.  Strategies you can use to overcome your demotivators. Be prepared in advance for those things and events that can rob you of your motivation. If you do this you lose the littlest amount of time possible when the demotivator suddenly appears.

7.  Ways you can enhance the motivational impact of your environment. This includes your social environment (the people that surround you) and your physical environment (the place where you do your work on your vision).

In Man’s Search for Meaning, Viktor Frankl wrote that the difference between humans and other animals is that animals go directly from stimulus to response, whereas humans have the power to take an intermediate step called reflection. We can think and plan about how we will respond to a given stimulus. And we can actually do it before the stimulus occurs.

When you make a plan for self motivation, you are exercising this uniquely human capacity. It gives you so much potential.

Exercise that potential and watch your accomplishments grow.

Here are the ten fundamentals of self motivation.

1. Everyone has a dream, some change they want to make in their life that will make their life so much better.

2. Making your dream come true will take hard work, in fact, it will require you to consistently do certain activities until the dream comes true.

3. You need to be motivated to consistently do the work you need to do.

4. Without motivation you will not do the work, which means your dream will not come true.

5. You are the only person who will motivate you to do the work; no one else is going to motivate you to make your dream come true.

6. Despite what you may think, or how you may feel, you do have the power to control your motivation.

7. You are a one of a kind person; what motivates you and what robs you of your motivation is unique to you.

8. The best way to control your self motivation is with an individualized, written plan for self motivation, created by the person who knows you best – YOU!

9.  The easiest way to create your plan for self motivation is by using the model for self motivation.

10.  With a written plan for self motivation, designed by you, individualized for your unique likes and dislikes, based upon the model for self motivation, you can ensure your dreams will come true.

If you’ve been spinning your wheels, working hard but getting nowhere, isn’t it time you tried something new, something based upon university research?

There will never be a better time.

I am just like you – I struggle with my motivation. I am not Oprah or Donald, both of whom seem to have more motivation than a person could possibly need. Consequently I actively and consciously take control of my motivation. And so can you.

Here’s an example from my life. Though my primary dream is to be a successful author, writer and speaker on self motivation, I also have a dream of returning to running.  I ran for 20 years before my left knee started hurting me too much to enjoy it. I have never found an aerobic exercise that gives me as much pleasure or is quite as easy to undertake – slip on a pair of shorts and running shoes, step out the front door and I am on my way. But get in the car and drive to a forest with my running shoes and I take a one hour vacation. When I was a serious runner I didn’t need to take vacations. Running in the woods for an hour or two was all I needed. I want it back.

I know that doing qigong or tai chi is good for my joints, so I have a couple of DVD’s on each that instruct me. Too bad purchasing DVD’s doesn’t make you an expert-you actually have to watch them. But I seem to lack the motivation to watch an instructional video for more than ten minutes.

So what do I do when I my motivation is suffering? I look to the model for self motivation and see which factor I can positively impact so that my motivation returns to its normal high level.

In this situation I turned to the third of the three factors of self motivation, my environment. I knew I could make changes to my social environment, the people and organizations that surround me, and thereby automatically increase my motivation.

Knowing I will not watch a video for more than 10 minutes, what I did was find a class that teaches the same material. I know I will not walk out of the class because:

1) it’s more fun for me to learn in a group,

2) I can interact with the instructor is I get jammed up and confused, and

3) I would feel too awkward walking out in the middle of a class.

Instead I stay for the whole hour and a half class, and start learning qigong. And I go back to the next class, and the next one and the next one. It is a much more effective way for me to learn qigong than watching a DVD for ten minutes, and then returning it to a shelf and never watching it again.

So I modified my social environment to include a group of people who are interested in learning the same skill I am and an expert in the topic I wish to learn.

Sound simple? It is. And it can be just as simple for you to work on your self motivation.

Is there some skill you need to learn that will allow you to take the next step in making your dream come true?

Go get that skill, but go after it in a way that you know will work for you, that you will stick with, like I am sticking with my qi gong classes.

One question I am occasionally asked is “What happens if someone’s not motivated to get motivated?”

Often the one asking the question is just giving me a hard time, but it’s still a good question.

My former answer was if someone does not want to be motivated, there’s not much I can do for them. They aren’t going to buy my book. They aren’t going to read my blogs, and they won’t come to one of my workshops.

But the more I thought about it, I realized that the question never is, “What if I am not motivated to become motivated?” The question is always asked about someone else who doesn’t want to be motivated. It’s never the one who is asking the question who doesn’t want to be motivated. So I have revised my response.

I believe most of us do have some special dream, and we do want it to come true. And to make it come true, we need to be motivated to do the work making it come true requires.

So I think it’s rare that someone doesn’t want to be motivated to do the work making their dream come true requires.

I also think it’s all too easy to judge other people and say they are lazy and don’t have any motivation and don’t want to be motivated. But the problem isn’t laziness, the problem is that people get stuck. They get stuck because they feel helpless. They don’t feel motivated and they think there is nothing they can do about it.

What the model for self motivation teaches us is that if you are confident about your confidence, you will be motivated, but if you feel helpless you will be unmotivated. So it’s not surprising that someone who feels they have no control over their motivation will be unmotivated.

But once that person finds out they do have control over their motivation, that all they have to do is learn the skill of self motivation, their motivation will automatically increase.

People are buying the book iMotivateMe: Take Control of Your Motivation to Reach Your Goals and Achieve Your Dreams for other people. I think it’s wonderful.

No, there’s no guarantee that other person will read the book, but maybe, just maybe, it will be the gentle push that gets them to realize this amazing power they have, this power to motivate themselves that will help them make their dream come true.

Is there someone you know who can use a gentle push?

In Sunday’s blog entry I shared the two important lessons about self motivation:

1) You are responsible for your own motivation.

2) You have the power to become motivated and stay motivated.

What I want to write about today is that power you have to get motivated and stay motivated.  You have that power whether you know it or not. And you have that power even if you don’t yet know how to exercise it.

Self motivation is a skill, a skill you need to learn, just like you had to learn the skill of performing long division.

When I learned long division, my teacher made it easier to learn by breaking it down into steps.  Taking it step by step is a great way to learn any complicated activity. What’s funny about complicated activities is that after you break them down into their component steps, and do each step over and over, it becomes second nature. What was complex before comes obvious.

So it is with self motivation. You should learn it step by step. First learn the model for self motivation. Then learn how the model will help motivate you. Then learn about each of the factors in the model for self motivation, the vision, successability and environment.  Each factor has an impact on how motivated you are.

After you are comfortable with each of the factors, the next step is to learn several strategies for each factor, to increase your motivation and to keep you motivated.

Just like performing long division seemed overwhelming before you learned the skill, so may self motivation seem overwhelming. But once you take the simple steps, one at a time, to learn how to self motivate, motivating yourself will seem obvious and you will be able to exercise that power to become motivated and stay motivated.

The very first step in learning any skill is making the decision to learn it. You learned long division because you had to. Somebody else was in control. But now you are in control. No one is going to force you to learn this important skill that can have such a great impact in your life.

So take control. Make the decision to learn this relatively simple to learn skill. Read my blog entries, sign up for a free subscription to my monthly newsletter and buy the book that walks you through the process and helps you create a motivation plan based upon your unique motivators.

And when you know the skill, you will have the power to motivate yourself to do the work you need to do to make your dreams will come true.